Wedding Etiquette for the Modern Couple: Breaking Traditional Rules and Making Your Own

Wedding etiquette has long been a set of established rules and traditions that guide couples in planning their big day. However, with the changing times and the rise of individualism, many modern couples are breaking away from these traditional rules and creating their wedding etiquette. From unconventional venues to non-traditional attire and diverse guest lists, modern couples are embracing a more personalized approach to their wedding. 

In this article, we will explore some of the ways modern couples are breaking traditional wedding etiquette rules and making their own, creating unique and memorable celebrations that reflect their personalities and values.

Invitations and RSVPs

When it comes to invitations and RSVPs, there are some traditional etiquette rules to follow, but modern couples are also making their own rules to suit their preferences.

Wording and Timing of Invitations

Traditionally, invitations should be sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding day, and include the following details:

• The names of the hosts (if other than the couple)
• The names of the couple getting married
• The date, time, and location of the wedding ceremony and reception
• Dress code information, if desired
• RSVP deadline and contact information

When it comes to wording, traditional etiquette suggests using formal language, but modern couples often opt for more casual, personalized wording that reflects their style and personality. The important thing is to make sure that the information is clear and easy to understand.

Handling RSVPs

To ensure an accurate headcount for the wedding day, it's important to set a deadline for RSVPs. Traditionally, the deadline is two to three weeks before the wedding day, but modern couples may set a different deadline based on their needs.

It's also important to follow up with guests who haven't responded by the deadline. A phone call or email is acceptable, but it's important to be polite and not make assumptions about why someone hasn't responded yet.

While there are traditional rules for invitations and RSVPs, modern couples are free to adapt them to their preferences. The key is to make sure that the information is clear, and that guests have enough time to respond.

Wedding Dress Code

The dress code for a wedding is an important aspect of the event, as it helps guests know what to wear and sets the tone for the celebration. Here's how modern couples can communicate dress code expectations to their guests and provide guidance on appropriate dress codes for different types of weddings:

Communicating Dress Code Expectations

To communicate dress code expectations to guests, modern couples can include the dress code on the wedding invitation or the wedding website. The wording should be clear and concise, and provide examples of appropriate attire. Some common dress codes include:

• Black Tie: This is the most formal dress code, and requires men to wear a tuxedo and women to wear a formal gown.
• Formal or Black Tie Optional: This dress code is still quite formal, but gives guests the option to wear a dark suit or cocktail dress instead of a tuxedo or formal gown.
• Semi-Formal or Cocktail Attire: This dress code is less formal than black tie, but still requires guests to dress up in a suit or cocktail dress.
• Beach or Casual Attire: This dress code is more relaxed and allows guests to wear comfortable, casual clothing appropriate for the location.

Appropriate Dress Codes for Different Types of Weddings

The appropriate dress code for a wedding depends on the style and formality of the event. Here are some guidelines for different types of weddings:

• Black Tie: This dress code is appropriate for formal weddings held in the evening at a ballroom or upscale venue.
• Formal or Black Tie Optional: This dress code is appropriate for formal weddings held in the evening, but gives guests the option to dress slightly less formally than black tie.
• Semi-Formal or Cocktail Attire: This dress code is appropriate for weddings held in the evening at a less formal venue, such as a restaurant or garden.
• Beach or Casual Attire: This dress code is appropriate for outdoor weddings held during the day, such as a beach or garden wedding.

Modern couples can communicate dress code expectations to their guests through their wedding invitations or website, and guide appropriate dress codes for different types of weddings. The key is to ensure that the dress code is clear and provides guests with enough information to dress appropriately for the occasion.

Wedding Ceremony and Reception Etiquette

The wedding ceremony and reception are the heart of any wedding celebration. Here's some modern etiquette advice for making these events go smoothly:

Wedding Ceremony Etiquette

• Seating Arrangements: Traditionally, the bride's family sits on the left side of the aisle, and the groom's family sits on the right. However, modern couples may choose to forgo this tradition and let guests sit wherever they prefer. If you do want to designate sides, make sure to communicate this to guests before the ceremony.
• Photo Guidelines: Make sure to discuss photo guidelines with your photographer and let them know which moments you want to be captured. It's also a good idea to inform guests if you prefer that they don't take photos during the ceremony, or if you want them to use a specific hashtag for social media.

Reception Etiquette

• Starting the Dancing: Once the reception begins, the bride and groom traditionally start dancing with their first dance. Afterward, the father of the bride may dance with the bride, and the groom may dance with his mother. However, modern couples may choose to skip these traditions, mix them up to suit their preferences, or even replace them with unconventional wedding entertainment.
• Speeches: Typically, the father of the bride, the best man, and the maid of honor give speeches during the reception. However, modern couples may also choose to have other family members or friends give speeches or even opt to skip speeches altogether.

Modern wedding ceremony and reception etiquette is all about making the couple's preferences and needs the priority. While there are some traditional guidelines to follow, modern couples are free to create their own rules to ensure that their wedding day is a reflection of their personalities and style.

Wedding Gifts and Thank You Notes

Wedding gifts are an important part of any wedding celebration. Here are some tips on how to handle them with etiquette:

Receiving and Giving Gifts

• Registry: It's perfectly acceptable to include a registry on the invitation or your wedding website. This makes it easier for guests to choose a gift that they'll love.
• Cash Gifts: It's becoming more common for couples to ask for cash gifts instead of traditional gifts. However, it's important to communicate this politely and respectfully and to assure guests that any gift is appreciated.
• Thank-You Notes: Make sure to write a personalized thank-you note to every guest who gave you a gift. These notes should be sent within a reasonable timeframe, typically within three months of the wedding.

Writing Thank-You Notes

• Personalization: It's important to personalize each thank-you note to reflect the gift and the person who gave it. This shows that you took the time to think about the gift and appreciate the effort the guest made to give it.
• Tone: Keep the tone of the thank-you note upbeat. Mention how you plan to use the gift or how much you appreciate the guest's presence at your wedding.
• Timeframe: Try to send thank-you notes as soon as possible, preferably within a month of the wedding. This shows that you value the guest's presence and the gift they gave you.

When it comes to wedding gifts and thank-you notes, it's important to communicate your preferences with guests politely and respectfully and to show appreciation for their presence and the gifts they give you. By following these etiquette tips, you can ensure that your wedding is a positive and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

Trends in Wedding Etiquette

Wedding etiquette is constantly evolving to reflect the changing times and preferences of modern couples. Here are some of the latest trends in wedding etiquette:

Unconventional Wedding Venues

• Outdoor Venues: Outdoor venues, such as vineyards, beaches, and parks, are becoming increasingly popular for weddings.
• Non-Traditional Venues: Many couples are choosing non-traditional venues, such as museums, art galleries, and warehouses, to add a unique touch to their wedding.

Personalized Ceremonies

• Personalized Vows: Couples are writing their vows to make their ceremony more personal and meaningful.
• Involving Loved Ones: Many couples are involving loved ones, such as family members and friends, in their ceremony to make it more meaningful.

Tech-Savvy Etiquette

• Using Social Media: Couples are using social media, such as Instagram and Facebook, to share their wedding plans and keep guests informed.
• Digital Invitations: Many couples are opting for digital invitations to save on costs and reduce waste.

Sustainability

• Eco-Friendly Weddings: Couples are making an effort to have eco-friendly weddings by using locally sourced and organic food, reducing waste, and choosing sustainable decor.

The latest trends in wedding etiquette reflect the desire for personalization, sustainability, and innovation. By incorporating these trends into their wedding plans, modern couples can create a unique and memorable wedding experience for themselves and their guests.

Conclusion

Wedding etiquette has evolved to meet the changing needs and preferences of modern couples. It includes aspects such as invitations and RSVPs, dress codes, ceremony and reception etiquette, gifts and thank-you notes, and the latest trends in wedding etiquette. Modern couples need to understand these guidelines so that they can create a memorable wedding experience for themselves and their guests.

By following wedding etiquette, couples can ensure that their guests feel comfortable and valued and that their wedding day is a reflection of their personalities and values. Whether they choose to follow traditional etiquette rules or create their own, modern couples can use these guidelines as a starting point to plan a wedding that is both meaningful and enjoyable for everyone involved.

FAQs

Is it necessary to include RSVP cards with the invitations?

It is not necessary to include RSVP cards with the invitations, but it is recommended. Alternatively, couples can include RSVP information on their wedding website or include a phone number or email address for guests to RSVP.

How do I communicate the dress code to my guests?

The dress code can be communicated on the invitation or wedding website. It is important to be clear and specific about the dress code so that guests can dress appropriately for the occasion.

Should I include registry information on the invitation?

It is not proper etiquette to include registry information on the invitation. Instead, couples can include registry information on their wedding website or share it with guests who ask for it.

How long do I have to send thank you notes after the wedding?

Thank you notes should be sent within three months of the wedding.

What is the proper way to address wedding invitations for a same-sex couple?

Same-sex couples can be addressed in the same way as opposite-sex couples. For example, "Mr. John Smith and Mr. David Johnson" or "Ms. Emily Brown and Ms. Sarah White."

How do I handle guests who RSVP for additional people?

It is important to be clear on the invitation about whether guests are allowed to bring a plus-one. If a guest RSVPs for additional people without permission, it is acceptable to politely explain that the invitation was for them only.

Is it okay to ask for cash gifts?

It is not proper etiquette to ask for cash gifts, but couples can include information on their wedding website about alternative gift options.

Who should be responsible for paying for the wedding?

Traditionally, the bride's family paid for the wedding. However, modern couples often split the cost or pay for the wedding themselves. Ultimately, the responsibility for paying for the wedding should be agreed upon by the couple and their families, if applicable.

Online Marriage with Courtly

Online marriage has become increasingly popular in recent times due to the COVID-19 pandemic, which has made it difficult or impossible to have in-person weddings. The convenience and accessibility of online marriage are major benefits for modern couples, especially for those who may live in different locations or have busy schedules.

Online marriage services allow couples to schedule an appointment with a marriage registrar, complete the necessary paperwork online, and receive their marriage certificate via mail. The process is straightforward and can be completed from the comfort of the couple's own home.

Here at Courtly, couples can get legally married online without having to physically visit a courthouse or wedding venue.

Couples can select a package that best fits their needs, complete the necessary paperwork and legal requirements online, and then have their wedding ceremony conducted remotely via video conference with a licensed officiant.